Over Time
by Ziny-DiNozzo
Summary: Meredith's perspective of the last seven years spent with and without Addison. AUish. Mere/Addie. Song fic. "They Weren't There" by Missy Higgins


**Over Time**

_You breathed infinity into my world  
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.  
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night._

After spending almost the whole night laughing and talking a Joe's we went back to my place, soon our lips met and we fumbled to my room, pulling at clothes. You looked like a goddess in the strip of moon light that pooled over your naked body through the gap in my curtains, and I kissed you.

That night was perfect, we made love and then lay in comfortable silence in each other's arms, I fell asleep to the beat of your heart and the rhythm of your breathing and you soon joined me.

_Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,  
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh, _

As the sun rose and we woke I looked at you, trying to search your face for emotion, we had been drunk and I had only flashes of the previous night's events in my memory. You smiled at me and pulled me into your arms, kissing me softly. I didn't mention him, but you told me not to worry about Derek, that we didn't need his approval.

I asked you if this was for real and you told me yes. I told you that I was ready for it and you smiled and told me that you could fall in love with me. And the words floated from my smiling mouth, I could fall in love with you too.

_Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,  
But I was alive and now I've drowned. _

I was Dark and Twisty and Derek put me back together with sticky tape. I thought I was healed but then he dropped me and I shattered again. That night we had, the start of our beautiful relationship was the glue. You were the glue. You held me together, you fixed me. I felt so safe with you and I believed you would be with me forever, that this was it.

But you left.

You told me you had to get away from Seattle, from Mark who was still trying to pursue you, from Derek who was still trying to pursue me, and from Alex who seemed to be willing to pursue both of us.

You told me you loved me, but Derek loved me too, and he was the better person.

You left, and I shattered again, worse then ever before.

_So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
So they can tell me I was wrong...  
_

The only people who knew about us where Cristina, Izzie, Callie and Bailey. They had all given us warning. Iz and Cris telling me you were Satan; that the mistress and the wife weren't supposed to be anything more then awkward fake friends. They told me you would hurt me, and that I was wrong to let myself fall in love with you.

I know Bailey and Callie told you similar things. That they tried to convince you against having a relationship with me. They told you it would never work and I was too damaged for you, and I would pull you down and hurt you.

It seems both sides won.

They convinced you to let me go, and in doing so you hurt me like never before.

You moved to L.A. leaving me behind with just a kiss and an apology, I begged you to stay, I cried your name, I wept in a ball once you left and I broke everything I could in my depressed anger.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of  
Any bindings from the world outside that room. _

I always loved the way you looked at me with your beautiful blue eyes. You made me feel so precious all the time, like I was worth everything to you. When we were together we were apart from the world, we made our own little bubble in which to live and love and laugh. I fell in love with you so deeply.

At night we would lay in bed with the covers around our waists, our bodies naked and tangled together. I would give you small kisses mid sentence and you would laugh and brush back my hair.

When we stopped our relaxed and yet meaningful talks and we settled for sleep you would wrap your arms around me and kiss my neck or my shoulder. I would take your hand and link our fingers, bringing them to my mouth so I could press kisses to your knuckles. You would giggle, saying it tickled, and nuzzle my neck, breathing in the lavender smell of my hair. I would let go of your hand and roll over in your arms and press a soft kiss to your lips and whisper those three words of true love, you would say them back and together we would fall asleep.

_And they weren't taken by the hand  
And led through fields of naked land  
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away_

You must have thought I still loved Derek, but I didn't. When we started to date I was worried of course, and so were you. So we kept it mostly to ourselves. After barley a month I didn't care about him at all. We went out more as a couple, not worrying about being seen together and Derek never entered my mind.

I loved you.

When we were together he didn't exist. When I fell for you he disappeared from my heart. Any hint of our love being forbidden because of our linked past with him melted away. It didn't matter my ex boyfriend was the same man as your ex husband. I didn't care anymore.

I loved you.

Nothing else mattered to me.

_So I couldn't say "no".  
_

You asked me if I was in love with you and I told you yes. You asked if I was in this and I said yes. You asked if we were dating and I said yes. You asked if you were my girlfriend and I yours and I said yes. I thought I would be with you forever.

_You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.  
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,  
I wouldn't say "no". _

When we spent time together, it moved to quickly. It slipped away and together we were timeless. Hours, days, weeks, months. Before I knew it my intern year was coming to an end and we'd known each other ten months and dated for six. I found rings in your bedside drawer and I was filled with happiness, with excitement. I knew if you asked me that question I would say yes. I would be honoured to marry you.

Only after you left did I really think about those rings.

There had been two, but thinking on them only one had been an engagement ring. It was stupid of me to think they were intended for me, because they weren't. They were your rings. The ones that had bound you to him. The ones engraved with promises of his constant love and devotion.

_But they all said, "you're too young to even know,  
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"_

For months I survived only by hoping you would return. That I would wake in your arms or bump into you at Joe's. Cristina and Izzie tried to get me to move on, Callie blamed me for Addison's departure and took no pity in my depression and Bailey didn't seem to care.

Everyone else thought my pain was over Derek.

They had thought I was over him, and so they continued to tell me I was better off with out him and the pain he caused. They told me I would never be able to trust him again but I didn't listen to them. Because it wasn't him I wanted. I only wanted you.

_But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,  
But I was alive and now I've drowned._

I lay in bed every night, alone and unable to sleep. I tried to hate you, like I did when you broke my heart the first time, the night we met. It never worked. I could never hate you. I know that now.

I will always be in love with you.

Even when I yelled and even when you yelled. I always loved you and I always will.

But the same couldn't be said for you.

Because if you loved me the way I loved you, you never would have left. You never would have broken me into millions of pieces, impossible to put back together. And even though it made me so angry… I could never hate you.

_So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
So they can tell me I was wrong... _

I made the choice. I bought a small apartment over looking the beach, and I found myself a new job at a near by hospital. I didn't tell anyone until after everything was finalised.

I moved to L.A.

And they told me not to go. They begged me and cried out to me but I had to. Cristina told me I was making a mistake; I was setting myself up to be broken again. I didn't care. I ignored her warnings and Izzie's weeping and Bailey's anger at my choice to leave the program. The only reaction I didn't ignore was Callie's. She gave me your number and your address as well as where you worked. She told me that if I hurt you she'd hunt me down and I told her I knew, but it wasn't in my plan to hurt you. I told her I loved you and she smiled and said you loved me too.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
Of any bindings from the world outside that room. _

When I knocked on your door a week later you looked happy. Until the colour drained from you face and your smile melted away.

You stared at me disbelievingly. Your beautiful blue eyes filled with tears and I felt mine do the same. With a whisper of my name you made me feel that familiar sense of being so precious to you. I fell into you arms and you held me like if you let go the world would implode.

That night we lay in your bed in each others arms, the covers to our waists. I gave you small kisses mid sentence and you laughed and brushed back my hair apologising for leaving. Begging me to forgive you. Crying every time.

I told you I loved you. That the only thing that mattered was that we were together.

_And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields  
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away... _

We were happy and after a few months we decided to get married, it was very small. Only you and me, your friends from you practice, and my friends from my hospital. No one from Seattle. For a honeymoon we both got a week off and went to New York.

When we were there we met up with your friend's Savannah and Weiss they had adopted a little girl, Bella, and she was the cutest little girl I'd ever seen. We both fell in love with her and that night as we lay in bed in post coital bliss I brought up the idea of a baby.

You told me your fertility dilemmas and I held you for the rest of the night, soothing your tears and telling you how perfect you were no matter what.

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
Of any bindings from the world outside that room._

Two years later we had our own family. Our adoption had taken a while, but not as long as we'd feared. A little mandarin girl, Andrea, became ours. It was amazing how far we had come, and the tear filled stare you gave me as you saw me hold our three month old daughter for the first time... It was indescribable.

We had let go of our past of Derek and Seattle. Because now we had each other, and we had Andrea; our little family was perfect.

And as time went on and years went by we continued to be perfect. We continued to love each other and Andrea and we watched our family grow.

We adopted Jasmine when Andrea was two, and decided to wait and see if we would ever adopt again. Our family was everything to us. Nothing got in the way of that.

_And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields  
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away... _

It had been almost five years before we went back to Seattle. I was starting my fellowship and as much as I wished I didn't, I had to work under Derek. He was the best you kept telling me, I deserved the best. And so we moved back into my mother's old house.

Everything was the same yet different in Seattle.

Cristina and Callie were best friends. George and Izzie were married, and Callie was dating Alex. Cristina had a love interest with SGH's head of Trauma and Burke was long gone, replaced by a blonde woman who seemed to be well loved in the surgical family.

They weren't shocked to see me back. They had all known of course. They were shocked however, to find I had a wife and two children in tow.

We had lost contact with them years before, but Callie was the only one not surprised by our return. By you at least, the girls shocked her a little bit, but she got over that quickly. Almost everyone did.

Derek didn't speak at first, but when he did he walked up to me and just asked me one question. He asked if I was happy. And I was. And I am now, as we celebrate Andrea's sixth birthday at the same time as welcoming our newest addition to the family, Stephanie. You walk over to me with four year old Jas on your hip and you grin at me as we watch Andy play with all her friends. You kiss me softly and I smile at you, I whisper those three words of true love to you and you repeat them. I'm happy. We're happy. And that's all that matters.

_So I couldn't say "no"._


End file.
